i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
