I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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