Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
