I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
