I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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