It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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