im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
