All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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