what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
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Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize