Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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