I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
