Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
