I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
