I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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