Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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