I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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