if you like me you must not know who I am
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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