well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
