I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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