oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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