She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize