I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
