I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
either way he was missing a nipple.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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