so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN