found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just high enough for therapy.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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