the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
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Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.