I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
