I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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