I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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