Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
