those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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