what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
