gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
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