with your own penis?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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