Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
