Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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