I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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