So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
