Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
