Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize