Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
