What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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