the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
