About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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