So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
