then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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