:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
