I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize