Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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