I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
