I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
