Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
