I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
