Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
