It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
