All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
