Sry I called you an 8
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
