i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
