THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
