I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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