Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Randomize
