Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
