The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
