you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
