the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
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there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
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At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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