so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He passed out mid-signature
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Semen is not good for contacts.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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