He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
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.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
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Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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