There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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