it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Vodka?
Forever.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
