I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
