we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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