birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
