OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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